Fighting negativity

7:42 pm. Haven't even started working on my school stuff. Too much work, too many meetings today. This is not good. I really can't afford doing this.

There was no email from my advisor today. I sent him three emails yesterday. He is probably annoyed at getting so much correspondence from me and needs to take a break. No. Wait. He doesn't care THAT much. So anyways, I will have to write something to him tomorrow and continue forcing him to meet so we can discuss the darn topics for the oral exam.

I wrote a preliminary list of topics to study yesterday. There is no way I'm showing that list to him. It is overwhelming as is and he will probably gladly add a generous portion of other stuff to it. I got myself very stressed out though.

I woke up this morning feeling cold trembling of stress in my chest. I'm stressed as if my exam is tomorrow. The enormity of the task is weighing on me to the point of paralysis. I got to relax! I got to put one tiny little goal in front of me and ignore the noise of all other thoughts swarming in my head. Plug fingers in my ears, lalalala I can't hear you!

Here are some of my negative thoughts and positive spins that I've come up with to battle the negativity (I need to preach them to myself so here I go):

1. Negative thought: I will fail the exam. Positive thought: You will never know unless you try. And if you fail, you will either be closer to your goal (they will tell you what area you need to improve) or there will be one less trouble in your life (don't have to work 80-hour weeks anymore!).
   
2. Negative thought: I forgot all my major subjects. Actually much of the stuff I never understood in the first place. Positive thought: First, you got good grades in all of the classes. Second, there is a lot of overlap between the subjects. Third, you can ask questions to your advisor. This might even benefit you, because he'll know you are studying. (or he will know how stupid you really are... Shut up! Shut up!)
3. Negative thought: I don't have enough time to study everything I need to know. Positive thought: You have some time, so study something. You will not pass if you don't know anything, but you might pass if you know something. And who knows, maybe the exam will be postponed even more.